I just want to write this so I remember what I felt like two days before my Junior Prom.

I agreed to go to prom, and go dress shopping and everything to please my Mom but now I'm glad she is making me go because if I had decided not to I would really be disappointed. 
(:
Remember Mom is amazing. <3

Just Saying..

so I might have messaged him this on Facebook.
Please tell me it wasn't the worst ideaa everr.

 

Hey so, we should talk because you know I’m not good at lying and I certainly don’t bite my tongue; ever. I just keep thinking about things that won’t go away because I’m too much of a stinking coward to say them out loud and Facebook seemed to be the next best option.
                I’m not a good liar, so when we saw Titanic in 3D (left me with the worst headache imaginable) and Claire was brought up I wasn’t sure what I should say about that entire subject. You got into more detail about a kiss (kisses) that I want to forget ever existed, and I got enough courage to tell you sort of why I was really hurt by her actions. It may make me sound like a horrible person, but I don’t care that she cheated on Riley because I don’t know him, it must suck to be him, but I was more upset that she sat there and told me everything I feared and made me think even less of myself than I already did. I told her everything about how I felt like my feelings for you were useless and nothing, because I’m not generally the girl you prefer, and instead of being a decent friend she told me to starve myself because that was going to be the only way you would ever feel the same way. Horribly enough I tried, we can all tell that it didn’t work out, but I still think about it and how I wish I had the will power to do it.
                I’m not generally the girl you go for, and I don’t think that is necessarily a bad thing. I would never do any of the things Claire did to you, because I honestly think I’m incapable of hurting you consciously. She said horrible things about you, to you; treated you badly, and at the first sign of something better, she threw you away like you meant nothing to her; probably because you didn’t. I can’t make her actions better, and no matter how badly I want to kick her in the shin I can’t, but I can say that when you care about someone, you don’t do that.
                I wish telling you to stop thinking so little of yourself was as easy as that, but I know firsthand that it isn’t. I can tell you though that what you believe of yourself is so far from what I see. I was amazed that you truly believe what you said Saturday night, and I felt incredibly handicapped. This isn’t what you want to hear, or it isn’t what you want to hear from me, but it is what it is.
                I could list lots of things that I like about you, like how you ramble on about Macbooks, or Daftpunk, or how annoying Devin is makes me smile widely. I’ve accepted the fact you duel so thoroughly I’d buy you more cards in the future. It’s cute that you attempt to fathom my absolute adoration of John Green, and I appreciate that a lot. You talk about poo and I may joke about how gross it is, but eh. You and Devin are complete and utter DUDES in front of me and yet I still have feelings for you. You’ve said before that when we go to your house, you don’t have to try to be something that you aren’t, and I still like you… so that can’t be a bad sign.
                I don’t know what I was hoping to get out of this, I was just tired of keeping things a secret because they weigh heavy on the heart. It just floored me that you told me all these things you wanted from an imaginary girl, when it’s all I want from You.
                That’s all. 

oh sweet baby jesus